Beat the Blush on the First Date
A first date makes most people a little nervous, but when you’re a serial blusher, it can cause extreme anxiety.
There you are going on that date-of-a-lifetime with that girl you’ve been dreaming of for months and who actually said “yes” when you got up the courage to ask her out. You’re standing outside her front door, ready to ring the doorbell, when it starts: that prickly sensation on the back of your neck; the sweaty palms, and the beads of sweat gathering on your forehead. She opens the door just as you’re rubbing your sweaty palms on your pants. You turn red. Bright beet red. Could you possibly get any redder? Or more embarrassed? And you haven’t even walked in the front door.
Why does this always happen to you? You’re a great guy. Nothing to hide from or be embarrassed by. But when it comes to a first date, you’re still acting like an inexperienced teenager. Why do first dates turn your insides out? It should be fun, but instead, it’s sheer torture. Just thinking about how you turned red and started sweating makes you break out in a sweat all over again. You can’t tell your guy friends about it, so now you’ve started making lame excuses just to get out of having to go through it all over again.
There are ways to deal with this. You could take some heavy meds. But do you really want to pour drugs into your body just to stop blushing? And you might get addicted and who needs that? Of course, there are surgeries out there to sever your facial nerves and get rid of the problem. You could just cut those problematic nerves so that you stop sweating and blushing. But it’s invasive, expensive, and involves days off work. And it doesn’t always quite work. Do you really want to go such extreme lengths when there is a much simpler solution available?
Plenty of guys have been where you’ve been and many have successfully solved the problem through effective therapy. If you understand what’s going on before you start sweating and learn how to manage that sequence, well, you’re more than halfway there.
Jim is a successful 27-year old who was a serial blusher. He used to go over to his girlfriend’s house (well beyond that first date) and start to sweat and blush. With therapy, he learned how to control the processes that resulted in sweating and blushing and now feels 110% better about himself, his social life, and his career path. Listen to his story.
Jonathan Berent, LCSW, ACSW, has pioneered psychotherapy for social anxiety and selective mutism since 1978. He and his staff at Berent Associates have individuals of all ages with a wide range of social anxieties and phobias. Jonathan is the author of Beyond Shyness: How to Conquer Social Anxieties (Simon & Schuster). He has been featured extensively in the media, including Oprah, CNN, ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX, The New York Times, Newsday, and more. Jonathan is a “Diplomate” in clinical social work and is certified by New York State. In addition, he is certified as a biofeedback therapist by the Association of Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback. Berent Associates offer free diagnostic tools, self-help audio CDs and information about selective mutism on their website, www.social-anxiety.com.